The Pain of a Divided Heart
I talk about wholeness every day.
After my recent recovery from a COVID infection, I felt the experience solidified the fact that I have, indeed, found my sweet spot: restoring wholeness.
For most of my life, brokenness formed the essence of my identity. Like some of you reading this today, I have felt disassociated from my true self due to prolonged exposure to domestic violence.
Imagine growing up in a home as the eldest daughter and slowly realizing that something is not right. Seeing your mother being beaten up, pummels a sense of powerlessness into you too.
The brain helps us cope, survive, while simultaneously writing a subconscious code that will keep us separated from the people around us. These shadows follow us into every public interaction, magnetically drawing us to dysfunctional relational scripts until we concede that there is definitely something wrong.
Like a modern day Humpty Dumpty, we think that we can’t be put together again, and so we try to adapt to living life one piece at a time. Constant anxiety directs every moment of our lives and we find it impossible to sit still, to sit alone, to just be.
The thing that changed for me was finally seeing that a different picture could be possible. Daring to believe that I could be restored to my original value, a priceless person at birth, first required a spiritual transformation.
If we become like the gods we serve, then I was finally ready to serve a God who was actually good and unconditionally loving. Also, restoration is painstaking and takes time. No quick fixes here.
After 12 years of starting to see a different picture, of starting to move towards a different lived experience, I am still a student of my wholeness. As I teach and guide others, I too am reminded of my true, original value.
My perfect and whole daughter is teaching me everyday about presence, and joy and wonder.
So, where is your heart divided today?
Are you wrestling with yourself to stay in a job that pays well, while your soul is yearning for permission to pursue your real passion?
Are you torn between conventional roles (personal and professional) and honouring your evolving identity?
Do you find yourself constantly spending money where your heart wants to go but your head is unable to follow?
If you resonate with this today, I want you to know it’s ok.
We are complex, beautiful, simple and powerful creations. And when connected with our Creator, we can co-create from a place of wholeness, instead of trying to piece together a former reality.
There is freedom to be found in a heart undivided.